It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
