He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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