Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
