If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
