I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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