operation have a gay friend backfired
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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