you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
