Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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