awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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