guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
