So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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