I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
