she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
