white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
