My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
