the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
