Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
