do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
