i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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