I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize