Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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