If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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