i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
