I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
