so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
