I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
