Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
