also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize