oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
