2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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