you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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