Christians are straight up FREAKS
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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