Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
