tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
