I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
