oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
