but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
