i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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