actually, I'm a sock model
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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