he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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