i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
