Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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