so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
