there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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