Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
