Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
