I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
