all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
