I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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