Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
