I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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