i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
then he tried to convert me to islam
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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