On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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