First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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