Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
