I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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