I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you are never too drunk for berry picking
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
