I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
