Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
