real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
