I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
