Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
