I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
