Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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