weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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