i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
