the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
