i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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