o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
