I need help removing her.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
