yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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