pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
