walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
