Where is the hickey?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
