If you die in college, do you die in real life?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
