I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
