you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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