my mouth tastes like poor choices
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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