Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
