Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
