First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
