Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
